Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
