just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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