Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
