You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
