Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
