...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
