Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
