Duck Duck Cougar?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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