It's Friday. Sex?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
