so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
