when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
