So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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