How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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