I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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