cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
