also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
