hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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