Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
