I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
