Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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