my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
