i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My feet surprised me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
