how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
4 words: hood of his car
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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