dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
