i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
