Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were destined to go to rehab together
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
