i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i think my cat just said my name.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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