Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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