If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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