miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
