Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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