i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think my moral compass just broke
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