I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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