he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
