I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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