She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
