Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
