Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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