he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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