I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
