i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
