By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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