She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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