Tell her she can't have a vagina
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
