Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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