My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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