I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
