the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
