This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
