Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
