need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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