So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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