I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
