I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
