I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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