so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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