dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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